February 5

It's a relatively calm Thursday in this midst of winter, as we prepare to go to the gym for Machine Leg Day, and come home to do some baking.  We're going through bread a bit more frequently since stumbling upon that multigrain recipe that I use to bake it with.  I like it the most with some butter and honey.  We've drastically curtailed our use of margarine, since it's essentially a seed oil, and we're looking at more or less banishing that stuff from our cupboards.  

I don't always eat chimkin... but when I do... I'm cluckin' happy

There's something I need to address with myself, that being my sleeping schedule.  The crucial thing for me is that I get enough sleep, that's really the main thing.  I find I'm best with a solid nine hours.  I tend to just function best.  I realize that a lack of sleep is conducive to high anxiety, and also I keep an eye on Janice's sleep because her inflammation issues are in our bullseye.  The both of us are doing really, really well with our new regimen; and I have to say that in a digestive sense, we've been effectively renewed.  The fasting thing still kind of goes on, with the one meal a day thing, but when Janice comes home from work we'll both have a coffee with some toast.  Janice has come to look forward to that now.  The thing I need to address is my own circadian rhythms.  I only get up in the afternoon and am up at night till around four a.m.  Still, I feel pretty great.  I just miss seeing the sun, which isn't in abundance this time of year, but it's getting better.  Plus the clocks will change soon, jumping ahead an hour, giving more daylight to the daily clock.  We plan on getting a pair of electric bicycles to drive around with this summer to add to our pot walks.  Except I don't think we'll be riding our bikes high - that might not be a great idea.  Although, really I essentially just microdose.  I'll take a ten mg gummy and it sets me right, 'lifting the veil' as I like to put it.  It puts me in a younger state of mind.  Maybe not bodywise, but certainly in the head.  If I'm going to be social, like going somewhere or hanging out, it's quite essential.  It lets me be me.  But I've said that over and over.

Since we're in the low-income bracket, we have to look into grants to perhaps set the stage for building that extension onto our house.  First though, we're going to look at getting the driveway re-paved, and stabilizing the patio to do us for one or two more years for when that extension gets done.  I'm saying 'when' because I believe in manifestation.  But I don't believe that God/The Universe will give you anything you're not ready for.  For a while, I didn't really believe in prayer.  I thought it was akin to wishing upon a star.  Now I realize that prayer is integral to manifestation, as well as meditation.  Prayer isn't necessarily answered directly, I believe, but it's always answered.  But prayer doesn't speak English; it's its own language.  And it's incumbent upon us to learn it.

I haven't seen 'The Truman Show', but I understand its premise.  And I often wonder what the world around me is hiding from me.  It's a paranoid thing though, to think that way, and I don't get terribly serious as much as ponderous about it.  But I often wonder, looking back, I was actually improving in elementary school up to grade six, then all those TBI's happened and the grades went south.  And it makes me wonder.... have I been "developmentally challenged" and just not been told?  Maybe I am and it just wasn't officially diagnosed that way?  My learning ability took a dip, I feel, post-TBI's.  I should emphasize to anyone other than me reading this that I'm not anxious or anything about this.  This is just one of those 'things that make you go hmm...' sort of deals.  But, I mean, I was taken off work for a reason.  I didn't do particularly well in computer college back in the 90's.  But today I just think that's not what was meant for me, that's why I didn't thrive there.  I still don't know what I was meant to do for work.  I loved what I did as a receiver, but couldn't deal with the stress of it.  I think it was my cousin Kathy who told me once that Shoppers Drug Mart tends to drive people crazy, for real, unless I dreamed that.  But there is no stress today now that I'm out of there.

So now I'm chasing happiness in retired life.  I'm beyond fortunate to have everything I've got, so I can't complain, and I'm not.  But there's that gnawing feeling that there's something missing.  I'm itching to play my drums, but just don't have the conditions to make me want to dig into it - hence the excitement about the idea of an extension.  Part of the excitement, I should say.  But we'll see what happens - what pans out.  I guess in the meantime I'll just get into the baking thing.  I say I'm 'chasing happiness', but I'm already quite content and happy, I just want to turn that knob to 11.  

Up to this point in the year, I haven't really had any "bad days", since we've changed how we're doing things with our bodies here.  I haven't been in contact with many people though.  Our friend Kelly has been chatting with us, but being off of Facebook cut social interactions quite drastically.  And I feel all the better for it, but it's kind of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.  The social thing will need an upgrade as time goes by this year.  

In the meantime, I'm gonna see what I can bake and cook and stuff.  I made two loaves of what I'm going to just call "J Bread", because Janice loves it so very much, as she tells me.  And as I often say:  Happy Wife, Happy Life.  And I have a very happy life.

Anyway, onto the next...