February 2

3:37 am

That's what time it is.  I know I just wrote that big opening salvo of a blog earlier, but this page is going to be visited by me a bit more I think.  For now anyway.  

The kids were here tonight - or rather last night, Sunday.  I just got a Cuisinart stand mixer to get serious about bread making, and Alexandra was pretty excited to give it a try, so she came over and used it for the first time, and baked a couple of loaves.  Nicole was with her and we all just enjoyed each others' company.  Lots of laughs and fun.  Nicole is still waiting on word on whether or not she makes it in the military; if you can, give her good vibes.  We gifted the kids a membership at Planet Fitness so they could get active and healthier, and so far so good.

The wife is sleeping peacefully beside me.  I gave her a gold chain for Christmas, because, as I told her, it needed her to be appreciated.  Janice has a golden hue to her hair, a strawberry blond like our daughter, and she's gold to me.  I gifted Janice the necklace, but also gifted the necklace Janice.  Because to me, she makes it look great.  The beauty is staggering to see.  The necklace is lovely, too.

I'm 60 now.  Wow.  A new decade is underway.  Looking back, my teens were rough, but way more good times than bad.  The 20's were fun and wild at times, and kind of crash landed toward the last years.  My 30's might have been the best decade, because Alexandra was born and we got married and got the house.  Turbulence, sure, but what's life without it?  Seriously.  As long as you can learn from what transpired.  The 40's for me was kind of rough, but still markedly wonderful times and people to spend them with.  Now I look back on my 50's... wow, it was interesting, for sure!  My mental health issues caught up with me and forced me out of work right in the middle.  I struggled with that.  I felt for a long time that I needed to be working because I'm not that ill.  Then I look back at the suicide attempts.  Today, I recognize my shortcomings mentally and have grown to accept what is, while still looking for a better tomorrow.  

I don't see my friends very much, but I imagine I will at some point.  I am an enemy to no one, and value my friends and family, and beyond that even.  As I lie here in this bed with my wife, in the house we essentially re-built, I look back and remember long ago that it would be a dream to have this very life.  We don't want much.  Everything extra we get we're outrageously grateful for.  I haven't talked to many people over the last several months, but I know they're all there, with an ear out to be there if we're needed.  Who knows how our social life will evolve, but I do know that it's going to be a chance for growth no matter what.  

It's now 4:02am.  Bless you and remember to practice self love.  



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